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Utterly alone7/11/2023 ![]() For me, loneliness has come and gone in intensity, but the nature of our circumstances has often forced me into some level of isolation. Negative core beliefs often arise out of childhood or early memories and can be very difficult to challenge as they operate on a largely unconscious level. Sometimes, we may act like the life of the party on the outside, but feel utterly alone on the inside and we may not even know why. Identifying negative core beliefs can be draining work, so take your time and be patient with yourself. When you finally get down to one statement and feel as if there is nothing beneath it, this is your core negative belief (for example, "I'm unlovable").Continue to ask yourself what your previous statement means about you (for example, "Being alone means that no one wants to connect with me"). In a chapter on confession and communion in Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes that he who is alone with his sin is utterly alone.But it is the grace of the gospel, which is so hard for the pious to understand, that confronts us with the truth and says: You are a sinner, a great, desperate sinner now come as the sinner you are, to the God who loves you.Next, ask yourself what this means about you (for example, "I'm alone").Begin with a neutral statement about your social situation (for example, "I don't have any friends or family members"). As Tucker Carlson begins to slither out of the news cycle, here’s a reminder to keep our eyes on the prize.To identify your negative belief(s) regarding feeling alone or lonely: Perseverating over having no friends or family members to connect with can bring up thoughts of feeling not good enough, being unlovable, and feeling rejected. If you are feeling lonely, you may experience some negative beliefs about yourself which may leave you feeling even more disconnected and subsequently isolating yourself more as this pervasive cycle continues. As a survivor of childhood trauma, I do not enjoy being touched by strangers.
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